#Listening to understand trial

Pretending: This is when you give automated responses like вЂњrightвЂќ or вЂњabsolutelyвЂќ at the appropriate cues, but youвЂ™re not actually listening.Ignoring: In this case, youвЂ™re really not listening to the other person.People typically listen in one of four ways: If You ArenвЂ™t Listening Empathically, YouвЂ™re Not Really ListeningД®mpathic listening requires a paradigm shift for most people, because often people listen in order to reply, and their responses are based more on their own experience and interpretation than what the other person is saying. As hard as you try, the glasses still donвЂ™t help your vision. The glasses do nothing to help your vision, but when you tell the doctor this, she insists that the glasses work perfectly for her, so they should work for you too she tells you to try harder. You start to explain your problem to the optometrist, and she quickly takes her own glasses off her face and tells you to try them on. Imagine you go to the eye doctor because youвЂ™re having trouble with your vision. We do this all the time in communication - prescribing a solution before diagnosing the problem - but think of how ridiculous this response would be in another context. It can cause the first person to be reluctant to share more because she doesnвЂ™t feel understood, and she may be even more reluctant to take any advice offered: How can she trust your advice if itвЂ™s not coming from a place of actually understanding the problem? Why Should We Listen Empathically?ДЄlthough well-intended, responding with your own experience offers a solution without really trying to understand the problem or that individualвЂ™s perspective, and is not empathic listening. The key to truly understanding people is empathic listening, which is listening with the intent to see their perspective. We discussed in Habit 4 that an essential step in reaching a Win/Win solution is to try to understand the other personвЂ™s perspective and concerns.

When a friend comes to you with an issue heвЂ™s having, how often do you respond with a story about your own similar experience and what you did to resolve it? Or how commonly are you met with this kind of response when you are venting to someone else?

#Listening to understand trial

Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey.